And thank GOD for that and two locals or I swear I would have found Arizona or MEXICO before EVER finding DUMB FUCK RAMONA!
Romona… you may
right off!
So let me illuminate you on the progress of our ‘Getting There’. First I do a smooth dive down CA by way of 101 to 152, Gillroy. I slice across to I-5 on that baby and pass onto Highway 78.
Then Google Maps and my GPS sort of take a right on Fuck You St. and after a tiff divorce at the T intersection of Fucking and Nowhere. For all it’s worth, I tried to follow the maps. I did! With Demi as the navigator we usually don’t end up lost at all. However Google Maps decided that a left turn on Washington Street of one city cut across an HOUR’S WORTH of WINDY MOUNTAIN HIGHWAY and conveniently teleported us to the end of 10th Street to take our right turn on Main St of Romona.
Simply amazing I thought, that is after I pulled off to a (local by terms in TEXAS where ‘just around the corner’ means about six miles or so) Applebee’s. Thankfully our waitress knew where we wanted to go (and made a comment that echoed our experience there: “Ramona? Wow you’re going to the middle of no where…”). After a bite and directions we were off…
Moronically once we hit Ramona’s Main Street I forgave Google Maps and tried to pick up where it left off.
WELCOME CITY DWELLER TO CALIFORNIA’S RED NECK STATE PARK!
The maps took us down a secondary street… then what I can only guess to be a third-ary street… and then, and this is where I drew the line, a DIRT ROAD as a MAIN THOROUGHFARE TO THE FUCKING RICH ESTATES!!
Not only did this dirt road supposedly go THROUGH to the main of all main streets, the street who’s very dominance within Ramona has all but stripped the NAME from Main St., San Vincante, it also was FENCED OFF MIDWAY BUT THE FUCKING CITY!
So after asking a kindly but very local (if you get my meaning) man I turned around. Went back up the third-ary street to the secondary and then went HIS way. We found 3rd street and calmly turned up it. It in fact did turn into Julian Highway which was what the grand dirt road was supposed to take me to (we found the other half on the way).
Now this next moment proves even I can be a fucking idiot.
I follow the Google directions again.
Folks these directions couldn’t have been more backwards if it was wearing its ass for its face. I swear it. They had us nearly making circle EIGHTS with the back streets AROUND the great road San Vincante!
A 7 hour drive took me nearly TEN HOURS because of the FUCKING MAPS!! Anyways… (*ahem*) we arrive at our resort. Nice place by the way, and I go in to check in… the girl smiles at me as I ask her for the most direct route to San Diego since we want to go to Sea World tomorrow. She whips out a map of South CA from just a bit east of Ramona to the coast and draws nearly a STRAIGHT FUCKING LINE. Feeling rather relaxed that the way to Sea World will be straight forward, I discard my desire to use my printed Google Maps, given my recollection of the things when I was printing them was a hellish maze that may as well spelled my full name in back streets before it hit a highway.
I asked her where we could get food given our villa had a full kitchen.
That’s when the road of roads is introduced to me. She goes oh you just go back down that road you used to get here from Main. I felt my eye twitch and then recounted to her the road_S_ I used. She starred back at me in horror and said… “How did you… you can’t even GET here without getting on San Vincante…” Well I was on it, for about TEN FEET from my last back road turn. She points again to the map and draws the line for me. “Just follow this, it goes right into Main which turns into…” the rest of her words fell short as my eyes followed the map. Not only does fucking San Vincante BECOME 10th street, the street we never found that according to Google magically transports you over an entire mountain pass, but Main Street turns INTO the highway 78 which one easily accesses from highway 15.
I think back to those moments where me and Demi were almost positive we’d be careening off the fucking PITCH BLACK (save for every goddamn turn where rather then the bleeding darkness there were BLINDING BRIGHT HEADLIGHTS) mountain road. The line that came out of my mouth about how next time I go to Ramona it is only by a fucking CHOPPER given its location seems to bubble to the surface. Forcing a grin on my mouth to not say a DAMN rude thing about their town, I take my THREE KEYS (one of which grew the wings of destiny and few off to never fucking never land) and return to Demi. By this point I cannot talk. I can only muster: “I’ll speak in a moment.” Then shut up until we were in the villa and I could SHOW her the fucking local map given to me.
Welcome to Ramona, the dumbfuck middle of no where. Worse yet, that great road, and it is a great road for without it I’m sure even the old timers who founded the place during the fucking GOLD RUSH (yes we saw some seriously old cowboys there guys) would get lost trying to find their Main St. TWENTY MINUTES to get to the Main St, which as far as I’m concerned only keeps its name because everyone built their commerce (and I mean ALL and ANY) along it’s narrow little sides.
I do not recommend Ramona… Unless you like wasting gas, traveling in a strange Bermuda like triangle, and smelling the pugnant odor of COW.
Oh, and Sea World was awesome. We got photos of animals, we ate lunch at the Dine with Shamu interaction deal and I also bought a boat load of shit (jewelery mostly - yes fuck you I like silver stuff and pearls). Lastly I got my first manicure for fun and a fulll body deep tissue massage with La Stone massage on top of it. Yeah…. awesome shit that was. Anyways that’s our trip.
I am going to be redesigning the CoA Site. Does anyone have a problem with updating their computers for the latest Adobe Flash Player?
Okay so in the begining I didn’t think there would be much interest in the pixies…. apparently I didn’t propperly way in the recent release of Tinkerbelle or something! >_>; Either way, I’m opening them up for 4 more slots.
OOoookay… so as mentioned in the Scrooge Ghost post I mentioned I was filling my quota of action-miliatry man.